4 ways to know if you are marrying the right person!
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How do I know I am marrying the right person? A question that many men, young and old, have asked. This decision is important not just for your mental and physical but it is also the most important investment decision you will make. Therefore, we want to be confident that she’s the one, and that there won’t be a number two or three.
Below are four foundational attributes to look for when deciding if she is the one to marry. Now I understand that others may have different criterion but at least, these should form part of your foundation. They are simple yet often overlooked due to the excitement of getting married. So before you put a ring on it, put some thought into it so that after you say I do, you won’t ever say I don’t.
1. Look for a girlfriend
That’s right. A girl that is a friend. Contrary to belief, you won’t be having sex every second when you’re married. Neither will you always be at parties or hanging out with friends. Find someone you are comfortable to be around and who you enjoy being with. You will have lots of alone time in marriage and if you are not good friends, it will be pretty awkward if you spend the time sitting in silence or avoiding being in the same room together for long periods.
Have a girlfriend that you can have an interesting and meaningful conversation with. Be it life, politics, career paths etc. A girlfriend who, although she may not have the same passions as you, shows interest in what you are passionate about because she is passionate about you.
So before you ask her to be your first lady, check this. If you sit alone, turn off the phones, and turn off the TV and laptops, can you still enjoy each other’s company? And by enjoying, I don’t mean sex. If yes, you still enjoy each other’s company, then you’re in the right direction.
2. Look for a wife
The Bible says the wife must submit to the husband. But this does not mean you should look for a lady who will just agree with everything you say, a yes person! Don’t look for a personal assistant!! i.e. somebody who is there to make your life easier. You need a vice president! Someone to support you and make you better as you pursue your goals of being a man and providing for the family (I will do a blog expanding on this). She can and must raise questions and even challenge your decisions at times, but not undermine you. Whatever decision is made after discussing and debating, the narrative must be “we have decided”.
Sad as it is, you are not invincible. Things will not always go your way. You may fatigue and need rest, get sick, or need to go away, and that’s when you will need a wife. No president of a country or even a company leave it to their personal assistant when they are away. They hand it over to the vice president. Your “vice president” wife should be able to step in and hold fort, which may be the home if you sick or the finances if you lose your job. So when you look for ‘the one’, look for someone who’s ambitious and a leader in her own right.
3. Look for a mother
Not your mother and not a cougar either. Rather look for a lady who will be a mother to your children. Perhaps you have heard some young men saying that they have dad but he is not their father. That is such a powerful statement and the same is true about mothers.
Being a parent is one of the most challenging things to do. There is no formula because each child is different. All we get is guidance and after that guidance, we navigate parenthood together as husband and wife, father and mother. Choose wrong and you will be a single parent even though your wife is right there and you living together.
Homes can still be broken with both parents still married and living together! Studies show that children who grow up in broken and dysfunctional homes are affected with the following;
· slowed academic progress
· aggressive behavior like bullying
· depression.
The list is not exhaustive. All these can be avoided, or at the very least mitigated, by choosing the right person from the beginning. Start looking for this attribute in her now.
4. Look for a God-fearing woman
Maya Angelou said, ‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him first to find her.’
That’s incredible and so true. It ties in perfectly with Matthew 6:33 which says, ‘but seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.’ That’s right. All these things shall be added, including your wife. If she fears God and you are seeking God, you will find each other and live happily ever after.
Now I have heard the arguments. This does not work in this current world! Women of today are different! I assure you, the times may have changed however, the principles are still true today as they were yesterday.
Conclusion
Identifying if she is the one is quite a simple process however, it becomes difficult when our emotions get involved. My encouragement is that get it right from the beginning because getting into a relationship is easy, but getting out is hard. It doesn’t matter how tough you are or how much of a player you think you are, a broken marriage will break you mentally, emotionally, financially and sometimes even physically. Avoid all this, marry the right person and live happily ever after.
The End
