Does he mean it when he says he loves me? Spoiler alert, he does!!!

A young lady sitting on a couch wondering if her man lovers her. — Image generated with Adobe Firefly

Is he telling the truth when he says he loves me? This is a question that many women ask themselves when they are in a relationship with a man. How can you tell if he really means it or if he is just saying it to make you happy or to get something from you? How can you trust his words and his actions?

One way to approach this question is to understand that there are different types of love and that he may be expressing his love in different ways. The ancient Greeks had a rich vocabulary for love, and they identified at least six different kinds of love that we can experience. So, when he says he loves you, he is not necessarily lying, he may mean one or more of these types of love. The important thing is to understand what kind of love you want from him and what kind of love you are willing to give him. You may have different preferences or expectations for love, and that can cause misunderstandings or conflicts.

So, does he love you? The answer is… probably. But the "what kind of love" is where the focus should really be. Below are the types of love he may mean, some you me need to run away from and some you will be lucky if you find.

Types of Love you can’t avoid, but avoid staying there

This type of love is unavoidable and relates to how men are ‘wired’. Now I know that in today’s world, with the rise of feminism and the attacks on masculinity, when we say that men are by nature created to be the hunter and to accost the woman, some want to attack this belief or point of view. It’s ok, you are entitled to your beliefs, but these are mine. Men are moved by what they see more than women. Men will approach and pursue a woman based only on ‘seeing’ something they like and enjoying the thrill of the chase. That’s why this first type of love is ok at the initial stage of the relationship but should evolve into the more mature form of love (mentioned below) for the relationship to be healthy.

Ludus: Flirtatious love

Ludus is a type of love that is playful, flirtatious, and casual. It is often associated with the early stages of romance when people are having fun and enjoying each other's company without worrying about commitment or future plans. Ludus lovers may have multiple partners, engage in teasing and seducing, and value excitement and novelty in their relationships. Ludus is derived from the Latin word for "game" or "play", and it reflects the light-hearted and adventurous nature of this love style.

However, ludus love is not necessarily a good foundation for a lasting relationship. Ludus lovers may lack emotional intimacy, trust, and loyalty, and they may avoid or fear deeper forms of attachment. Ludus love can also lead to jealousy, insecurity, and deception, especially if one partner wants more than the other. Ludus love can be enjoyable and exhilarating, but it can also be superficial and unstable.

Don’t be discouraged if your boyfriend says ‘I love you’ but only shows signs of ludus love, such as flirting, playing games, or avoiding commitment. Ludus love can be a fun and exciting stage of a relationship, as long as both partners are honest and respectful. However, ludus love is not enough to sustain a long-term and fulfilling bond. A woman should hope and pray that her boyfriend's love will mature and evolve into storge and pragma love, which are based on friendship, compatibility, and mutual understanding. Storge and pragma love are more stable and lasting than ludus love, and they can bring more happiness and satisfaction to both partners when they get married.

Storge: Stable and loyal

Storge is a type of love that is natural, instinctual and familial. It is the love that parents have for their children, siblings have for each other, or relatives have for their kin. Storge is based on familiarity, comfort and trust. It is not driven by passion, romance or attraction, but by a sense of duty, loyalty and commitment.

So when he says ‘I love you’ but he is not exciting, intimate or spontaneous, don’t think he is lying and get angry. He genuinely loves you, but it is storge love. Storge can be a good foundation for building a relationship, as it implies a deep bond, a shared history and a mutual respect. However, storge alone may not be enough to sustain a relationship, as it may lack that ‘spark’!.

The ’I love you’ you hope he means

As highlighted, there are many types of love but not all of them are equally fulfilling or lasting. Some love is based on passion, attraction, or desire, but these feelings can fade or change over time. Other love is based on friendship, loyalty, or shared values, and these bonds can be tested by conflicts or differences. The type of love that one should hope their husband or boyfriend will say is the love that combines both affection and commitment, the love that grows from mutual respect and understanding, the love that is realistic and practical, but also warm and supportive. This is the love that can withstand the challenges of life and still remain strong and faithful. This is the love that is not only a feeling, but also a choice and a decision. This is the love that is based on pragma.

Pragma: Mature Love

Pragma is the type of love that involves commitment, compromise, and understanding. Pragma is the result of a balance between ludus (playful love) and storge (devoted love). Pragma means “practical” or “businesslike” in Greek, and that pretty much explains what pragma is: love as a long-term partnership.

Pragma is vital for a successful and harmonious relationship. Pragma allows us to overcome challenges and difficulties together, to adapt to changing circumstances and needs, and to work as a team towards common goals. Pragma also implies loyalty, fidelity, and dedication to our partner.

Therefore, pragma should be sought after and maintained in a relationship. It is the expression of true commitment and loyalty.

Conclusion

I only focused on three types of love however, there are more types that a man could mean when he says ‘I love you’. Initially, he might have been drawn to you like a magnet—perhaps by your playful smile or the intense sparks you felt together. It could have been the exciting feeling of something new, fun flirting, or just pure attraction. However, real love—the kind that lasts—is a journey, not a one-time event. Over time, his feelings deepen and evolve. He discovers a strong friendship with you, filled with laughter and deep conversations. Together, you build a comfortable, safe space through shared memories and experiences. Any unhealthy possessiveness eventually fades away, replaced by trust and a love that wants the best for you, no matter what. This isn't about abandoning the early excitement of ludus love; rather, it's like adding new colours to a painting. Now, playful moments mean even more because you have a solid foundation. The intensity of your feelings grows stronger with the deep respect and support you share. His love for you becomes something truly special—a testament to how feelings can develop and change over time, resulting in a unique kind of love that endures through anything. And maybe then…. when he says ‘I love you’…he means the type of love you want from him.