Why Marriage is the Most Important Investment Decision You'll Ever Make

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing…

A happily married couple walking to a plane together on their way to a business meeting.

The author created the image with Adobe Firefly.

We all want to succeed in life and success is usually measured in monetary terms such as net worth however, as we get older we understand the more accurate measure is the quality of life. Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha, is a legendary and successful investor who has inspired many people with his investing philosophy. He shared with Forbes that “Who you marry… is enormously important in determining the happiness in your life and your success…” In a study conducted by Carnegie Mellon University psychologists involving 163 couples, it was discovered that people with supportive spouses were more likely to succeed in life and their careers. It goes without saying that if one’s career can be successful because of who they marry, it can also be unsuccessful because of who they marry. 

A married couple having a disagreement over the career development.

The author created the image with Adobe Firefly.

Now, usually, when we refer to choosing the wrong partner we think of the abusive marriage, verbally or physically. Whilst this is one of them, choosing the wrong partner includes; 

1.     Abusive marriage - One partner uses physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual violence to hurt, intimidate, or manipulate the other.

2.     Codependent marriage – One spouse sacrifices their own needs and well-being for the sake of their partner, who may have a substance use disorder or other undesirable behaviours.

3.     Gold digger/Marriage fraud - A person who marries someone for money.

Your career is an investment in yourself

A career is more than just a job; it is an investment that you make with your time, money, and energy. You invest in your career to achieve your goals and dreams, and to obtain tangible rewards such as:

·       More income and financial security

·       More career satisfaction and fulfilment

·       More career opportunities and advancement

·       Better work-life balance and well-being

·       More confidence and self-esteem

The impact of marrying the right person is important to protect the returns on the career investment you currently have and those you will recognise in future.

Marrying the wrong person can harm your work performance.

1.     Abusive marriage

A consequence of an abusive marriage is that it can harm your career due to stress by negatively affecting your mental and physical well-being, your work efficiency and originality, and your professional interactions. Stress is not always bad. Sometimes it can help you perform better, cope with challenges, and achieve your goals. But too much stress can harm your health and your career. It can cause physical, emotional, and behavioural problems that can lower your productivity, creativity, and performance at work.

Some of the physical problems that stress can cause are:

- Headache

- Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much

- Muscle pain or tension

- High blood pressure

These problems can make you feel tired, sick, and weak. They can also increase your risk of getting sick or developing chronic diseases, such as heart disease, diabetes, or stroke. As a result, you don’t operate at an optimum level in a corporate environment that is very competitive and cutthroat. Your full potential is not realised and you will not get to climb the proverbial corporate ladder.

Some of the emotional problems that stress can cause are:

- Feeling you can’t get things done

- Moodiness

- Anxiety

- Restlessness

- Lack of motivation

- Irritability

- Sadness or depression

These problems can make you feel unhappy, hopeless, and overwhelmed. They can also affect your ability to think, make decisions, and solve problems. They can also affect your relationships with your colleagues, boss, clients, friends, and family.

Some of the behavioural problems that stress can cause are:

- Panic attacks

- Worrying all the time

- Feeling you’re under constant pressure

- Drinking or doing drugs to deal with your stress

- Overeating

- Smoking

- Depression

They can also damage your reputation, your career prospects, and your quality of life.

2.     Codependent marriage

Being with a spouse who has no ambition can be detrimental to your career in many ways. It can lower your motivation, satisfaction, and performance at work, and create more problems in your personal and professional life. Here are some of the risks you may face if you are in such a relationship:

- You may lose your spark for your work, as you may not feel supported or inspired by your partner. You may start to doubt your abilities, goals, and dreams, and settle for less than you deserve.

- You may feel unhappy or unfulfilled in your career, as you may not have a partner who understands and appreciates your values and vision. You may feel lonely, isolated, or disconnected from your partner, and miss out on the joy and fulfilment of sharing your achievements and challenges with someone who cares.

- You may compromise your career opportunities, as you may have to make choices or sacrifices that are not in line with your ambitions. You may have to turn down promotions, transfers, or projects that would advance your career, or limit your networking, learning, or growth opportunities to please your partner.

- You may face more stress and conflict, as you may have to deal with your partner’s negative emotions or behaviours. You may have to cope with your partner’s resentment, jealousy, or insecurity about your success or income, or their lack of interest, involvement, or respect for your work or colleagues.

- You may damage your professional reputation, as you may have to manage the impact of your partner’s lack of ambition on your work performance and relationships. You may have to cover up for your partner’s absence, indifference, or rudeness at work events, or apologize for their actions or comments that may offend or hurt your coworkers or clients.

Being with a spouse who has no ambition can have serious consequences for your career and well-being. It is important to recognize the signs of such a relationship and take steps to protect yourself and your career from the negative effects.

3.     Gold digger/Marriage fraud

One of the most terrible situations in a marriage is when one of the spouses cares only about the other’s money and social status, not about their character or emotions. This kind of spouse is known as a gold digger, and they can destroy their partner’s financial situation by asking for a large part of their assets in case they divorce or the partner dies. Whilst not to say the below spouses are golddiggers, these examples are listed here to highlight how one spouse’s hard work can be lost to their partner when they part ways. Here are some of the most infamous examples of people who lost a fortune to their spouses:

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills: The iconic musician and the former model got married in 2002, but they separated in 2008 after a bitter and public legal battle. Mills received $48.6 million, which was one of the biggest divorce payouts in British history.

Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva: The actor/director and the singer/pianist got married in 2009, but they split up in 2010 after allegations of domestic violence and infidelity. Grigorieva initially agreed to a $15 million settlement, but she later changed her mind and sued Gibson for more. She ended up getting only $250,000 after violating a confidentiality agreement.

J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith: The oil tycoon and the Playboy model got married in 1994, when he was 89 and she was 26. He died a year later, leaving nothing to Smith in his will. Smith then sued his son for a share of his $1.6 billion estate, but she died.

Conclusion

A couple getting marriage counselling about supporting each other in their careers.

The author created the image with Adobe Firefly.

It's important to remember that every relationship is unique, and the impact of marrying the wrong person on your career development will vary greatly depending on individual circumstances. Some couples can successfully manage the challenges of a troubled marriage while maintaining thriving careers, while others may find their professional lives significantly affected. It is important that if you are in a toxic marriage you either ‘lovingly’ confront your spouse or seek marital assistance.

To those who are not married yet, understand that being single is not a curse, it's a blessing. You have the freedom to pursue your passions, to explore your interests, to grow as a person. You don't have to compromise, to settle, to sacrifice for someone who doesn't appreciate you. You don't have to endure the pain, the frustration, the disappointment of a toxic relationship. You have the opportunity to meet new people, to make new friends, to discover new love. You have the power to create your happiness, to define your success, to shape your destiny. Being single is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. You can walk away from the wrong person, wait for the right person and love yourself first. With this as a foundation, you are then able to make a decision of marrying the right person that compliments you and your goals.